Hello Pilot Light, Glad You’re Back

It’s an odd thing to lose your vision. To lose your ability to see yourself in your own dreams. You know the vision in your heart, but your faith or belief in the possibility just fades and you cannot grasp on to it, you cannot dare hope. And then you turn a corner, you are reminded, the spark is lighted and you can once again commit to your dream, to your vision. Where did that flame go? Like a pilot light out in your stove, the spark that lights the flame, that keeps the passion coursing through your veins, just disappears. Maybe it was gradual, maybe it was all at once. It is hard to know because it isn’t until you miss it that you realise that it is gone.

There have been numerous times in my life where I have experienced this disconnect between my desire and my drive. My desire for acting work rarely goes away, but sometimes the drive, the energy, the hunger does. It wanes and I am frustrated by the need paired with the disillusionment. I don’t have a concrete answer for how to get it back, but I do know that inspiration and thus a lit flame can come from unexpected sources. It can also disappear just as quickly as it appears — all I can say is relish it while it is here. Let it fuel you.

This time, I lost my connection to my authenticity, to who I am. It is a bit of a conundrum that one needs to be fully themselves to be able to transform into someone else. Somewhere in the past few years I have forgotten that the greatest gift I can bring to any audition, any role, is me. That is something no one else can bring. So where did I go? Down the not-enoughness path? Been there, done that. Not enough roles for me, not good enough, not enough of anything, not famous enough…not, not, not. But the truth is there waiting for me to remember. I am enough and so are you. Our gifts are unique and what we have to offer this world is special and needed and necessary. So get up and shine your light, from wherever you are, as bright as you can and that means you have to take care of you as best you can or else that little pilot light is going to go out and will have to be lit once again. And that is the beauty of it, it can be lit again and you can shine, shine, shine once more!

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